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August 2016

twosticks

A cautionary Roomba tale

Robotic vacuum cleaners are cute. The Internet is teeming with videos of my fellow cats riding them. To me, having help in keeping the floors clean seems to have no downside. That is what Jesse Newton of Little Rock thought until … he was up in the middle of the night trying to clean up something resembling “a Jackson Pollack poop painting.”

Dogs are behind all home disasters (my theory anyway), and this one started with the family puppy leaving an extensive late-night dump on a rug. The Roomba, as programmed, started its cleaning tour at 1:30 a.m. From Mr. Newton’s Facebook account, relayed by PJ Media, on how “it” happened:

“It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids’ toy boxes. If it’s near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding.”

But your nose would tell you otherwise, and Mr. Newton’s did, when his 4-year-old climbed into bed at 3:30 a.m. with a distinctive smell: “You’re not just using profanity — you’re inventing new types of profanity. You’re saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there’s no way he’s not ending up in prison.”

Wait, it gets worse: “Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug — the rug that started it all — the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she’ll ask if you tried to clean it first. Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three of four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floorboards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-foot poop trails. And then, because it’s 6 a.m., you go to bed. Let’s finish this tomorrow, right?”

The Roomba did not survive its trip to the bathtub, but there is a happy ending. Mr. Newton bought it from catalog merchant Hammacher Schlemmer, which graciously replaced it. Two other companies, Merry Maids and Clorox, reached out when they heard about the Facebook post. Kudos to all.

The Soros news blackout

George Soros, who holds dual citizenship in Hungary and the U.S., recently turned 86 and has long been one of the richest men in the world. Because of his support for liberal causes, some conservatives consider him the devil incarnate. (Me, I find him less loathsome than Harry Reid, Dick Durbin, Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell, just to name a few senators.)

Like his cronies at the Democratic National Committee, Soros’ Open Society Foundations organization was the victim of a computer hack. A group called DC Leaks posted more than 2,500 documents dating back to 2008. From Investor’s Business Daily:

“The leaked documents show how Soros’ far-flung international organizations attempted to manipulate Europe’s 2014 elections. The ‘List of European Elections 2014 Projects’ details over 90 Soros efforts. … The documents reveal that Soros has poured nearly $4 million into anti-Israel groups, with a goal of ‘challenging Israel’s racist and anti-democratic policies.’ Here at home, they show that Soros proposed paying the Center for American Politics $200,000 to conduct a smear campaign against conservative activists. More recently, an October 2015 document came to light showing that Soros … had donated $650,000 to ‘invest in technical assistance and support for the groups at the core of the burgeoning #BlackLivesMatter movement.’ ”

OK, it’s his money; he can spend it however he likes. But then there is this from IBD:

“We couldn’t find a single story on the New York Times, CNN, Washington Post, CBS News or other major news sites that even noted the existence of these leaked documents, let alone reported on what’s in them. Indeed, the only news organization that appears to be diligently sifting through all the documents is the conservative Daily Caller, which as a result has filed a series of eye-opening reports.”

Why is this stuff important? Soros is a major contributor to Democrats, including presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. When she was secretary of state, he sent along step-by-step instructions about how to deal with unrest in Albania in 2011. (That was confirmed by an e-mail released by WikiLeaks, not the latest stuff.)

I conclude with a question that makes mainstream media outlets uncomfortable. If a conservative-leaning billionaire donor (say casino magnate Sheldon Adelson) were unfortunate enough to have his memos hacked, would they be ignored? The fact that more people than ever know the answer is making the propagandists nervous.

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