According to widely varying surveys, the average American watches several hours of TV a day. Over years and decades, it might be expected that such exposure could change one’s view of the world.

For instance, habitual viewers of a certain station in Atlanta probably have the mistaken impression that …

73% of young mothers not from wealthy families allow something horribly wrong to happen to their toddler.

87% of all robberies are committed by young black males.

100% of sketch artists employed by local police departments think all young black males look alike, give or take dreadlocks.

42% of the population is gay or lesbian. (No survey has come in above 10%, with some saying less than 3%; perhaps marriage statistics will shed light in coming years.)

80% of all attorneys admitted to the Georgia bar do nothing but chase personal injury cases and sit by their phone. (“There’s no fee unless you win.”)

57% of all marriages involve people of different races. (The real percentage is above 12% and headed higher; hooray for clear-thinking people following their hearts.)

86% of husbands are dullards, put in their place hourly by quick-witted spouses.

93% of people look to cellphones and cars to validate the status of their personal existence.

63% of rental housing is provided by slumlords in low-lying areas prone to flooding.

19% of people on county payrolls are irretrievably corrupt, sitting ducks for the I-Team to investigate. (Now you know which station.)

99% of restaurant chefs are assholes.

That is a fair estimate. Well played, Fox 5.

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