Saw a cute post on Facebook about how to win the “war on drugs.”

Step 1: Legalize drugs.

Step 2: Require all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.

Good one.

Hence the growth of satellite TV and fiber-to-the-home service provided the phone companies. People always threaten to quit when they get their monthly bills, but they usually stay because they don’t want to miss “Monday Night Football,” any dust-up between Megyn Kelly and Donald Trump or marathons of “The Facts of Life.” (Somebody tell the Logo brass they slept in the same room but weren’t gay.)

You can also get every NFL game, live, in an expensive package.

The home I rule has DIRECTV, which has superior customer service. Three years ago, my personal assistant smelled something. It was the DVR was overheating. A replacement was in place from El Segundo in less than 48 hours.

Apparently, that’s about the length of time it takes to get Comcast on the phone.

Not everybody can enjoy DIRECTV. A clear line of sight between the satellite dish and the Southern sky is necessary.

Cable fans say satellite pictures go out when it rains. A grain of truth. When it’s raining hard, the picture will freeze for maybe 15 minutes until the worst of the storm passes.

When cable goes out, it’s for 15 hours, or maybe 15 days.

I would be an excellent spokescat. DIRECTV, please send the contract to my personal assistant.