I must nap often, so my pal Trigger, a handsome chestnut horse, is handling today’s post. Heed this trigger warning: Be ready for some neigh-saying.
Why would anybody attend a baseball game? According to Gail Payne, an Oakland A’s fan, it’s just too darned dangerous.
She has filed a lawsuit that seeks class-action status, demanding that every park in Major League Baseball install more netting, especially down the first- and third-base lines. The suit cites foul balls, maple bats that shatter more easily, pitchers throwing harder, blah, blah, blah.
One of Mouser’s personal assistants knows a bit about baseball, and he tells me that unless you are a dumbass, you know it’s heads-up around a ballpark. Foul balls come in a lot hotter than they look on TV.
But how much netting is enough? How about nets separating players and fans all around the park? No more third outs tossed into the stands. No more home run balls caught.
How about other sports? Should the Allstate Good Hands net be widened to protect crowds against shankopotamus freshman kickers? How about nets in basketball arenas, where a bounce pass could go into the third row and knock over a beer? Should the glass in hockey be 50 feet high? Somebody could mistakenly go on the ice with a sand wedge instead of a stick, right?
The federal judge should call horsesh** on this lawsuit, starting with noting Ms. Payne sits in the SECOND DECK of O.co Coliseum.
Probably one of the safer places in Oakland.