Cable TV networks fight over tenths of ratings points that everybody jokes could be accounted for by pets stepping on remotes. I used to laugh, until …

It happened to me. I was moving from my nap spot on the left side of the couch to the right side when I accidentally stepped on the remote and –

Up popped Judge Judy.

OMG. What. A. Bitch.

There she was, cutting off testimony in mid-sentence. Coming off as the biggest hanging judge this side of Nancy Grace, a former prosecutor who at least confines herself to HLN, a cable network nobody watches.

Judge Judy has a huge following. Her show is the hottest property in over-the-air syndication, bringing her a salary upwards of $45 million a year. That’s Rush Limbaugh money, and when his contract ends, we’ll be calling it Judge Judy money, because Rush will be in a lower pay grade.

Anyway, I walked across the remote several more times and couldn’t get back to Animal Planet. I did manage to mute her.

Research tells us her viewers are 75% female. The males obviously were neutered at about the same stage I was and now must suffer this harpy, interspersed with commercials for the sleaziest ambulance-chasing lawyers in town. The total effect made me hock up a furball.

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